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If you want to be a good parent...

Part 1

 

Some lessons in parenting from 1 Samuel chs 1-3 

All of us have ideas about what a perfect parent would be like and most of us—if not all of us—know that we are not it! We all have struggles and difficulties, failings, weaknesses, disappointments and sadnesses along with the joys, excitement, pleasure, pride and happiness of parenting.

In 1 Samuel there are two stories of parenting side by side. Hannah and Elkanah become the parents of Samuel who then put their precious son in the hands of Eli whose own sons have not turned out well!

As an aside, we see here in the first verses of 1 Samuel a very good out-working of why God meant one man to have only one wife—the two wives of Elkanah are rivals causing problems for both of them with their shared husband.

Let’s look at some truths which I believe we can take from these chapters of Scripture. 

 

 

Hannah knew something that many in today’s society have forgotten: that all life is in the hands of God

If you want to be a good parent keep your own faith strong.

We see many instances of faith from Elkanah and Hannah in these chapters. The first example is in chapter 1 v4. Elkanah observed God’s law himself and made sure that his wives and children followed the laws too. We get to see glimpses of that faith through the story and it in an important factor in why Elkanah and Hannah had a son who was used by God. Faith gave them strength to get through the difficult times of being childless and faith eventually saw their receiving of a son. Hannah knew something that many in today’s society have forgotten: that all life is in the hands of God to give or not to give. This is a very hard lesson in the midst of tremendous heart break when there seems no possibility of a dearly wanted child. The same lesson is just as hard for those who find themselves pregnant unexpectedly and can’t see a way through this differently complicated set of emotions. God’s hand is over all life and faith gives strength to understanding that amongst difficulties. Those who make family plans and get their wishes would do well to take this lesson to heart also.

Further on in a child’s life, faith will give us trust in the parenting instructions in Scripture, of which there are many. Faith will turn us to God when there is some knotty problem of parenting with we do not know how to deal. Faith will hold our family together in an increasingly fractured society. Faith is God’s way forward for the whole family as they grow.

Children need security and it is important to them to know that their parents are important to each other.

Make time for yourselves as well as your children.

Elkanah loved Hannah (ch1 v5) but more than this he showed it —by giving her a double portion of the meat for the sacrifice. This out-working of love when it came to religious matters, we can be sure, was an out pouring of love generally in his relationship with her. He felt strongly for her in this matter of childlessness but he loved her outside of any question of children (v8).

Love needs to be active in a relationship, as it was in this story. Once children come along life becomes very busy and tiring and relationships can become taken for granted. Keep making time for yourselves as a couple and let your children know that is what you are doing. Children need security and it is important to them to know that their parents are important to each other. It is also good for them to see a relationship being modelled out though the ‘up’ moments as well as any ‘down’. A meal eaten together in private, half an hour alone chatting on the garden bench. Just something simple which is just for parents, “I’ll talk to you in 20 minutes, this is special time for dad and me.”

 

 

 

 

 

Support each other

Yes Elkanah loved his wife Hannah but the Bible doesn’t tell us if he did anything to support his her against the taunts of his other wife Penninah (ch1 v6). As a couple it is very important to know that we have the support and back up we need in all situations of life. Later on in the story we see Elkanah supporting his wife’s decision to take Samuel off to the temple (ch1 v23). Giving up her son in this way would have been a hard thing to do but Elkanah supported her in her faith and parenting decision.

As parents ourselves we need much support. Children need that security to know that decisions are firm and we sometimes need support to make our will stick. Secondly children will do their best to play one parent off against the other if they think there is any advantage to themselves in doing so, so we need a united front. There may be disagreements between you and your husband about many things to do with the children but do your best not to discuss it in their hearing.

Some issues may take years of agony and prayer but some may be sorted straight away; we just don’t know.

Bring your parenting agonies before the Lord

Hannah had agonies in her inability to start a family but she knew where to turn and continued bringing her prayer to God year after year (v7). We would do well to follow her example and bring our parenting issues to God too. How many times have we struggled or worried when we should have brought it to the Lord in prayer? Some issues may take years of agony and prayer but some may be sorted straight away; we just don’t know.

Make a commitment to bring your children up in the ways of God.

Hannah’s faith spilled over into her parenting. She understood that Samuel’s very life belonged to God not only because his birth was miraculous but, I believe, because she turned back to God with her son and his whole life (v11). Yes she gave him up to the temple, something which we do not do today, but she prepared him for a life of Godly service during the years that she had him.

How much do we make that commitment in our family life? Do you just take your children to church or is every moment directing them to a godly life and one which the children will want to spend in service to the Lord which ever field of employment they turn? Scripture tells us to teach the things of God, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy ch6 v5-8

 

Your children need your prayers as well as your teaching and example.

 

 

 

Pray for your children with passion

Ok this one doesn’t come directly out of the scripture reading but I thought of it as I read about Hannah’s lips moving even though her prayer could not be heard (v13). Hannah was praying in her heart, it says, but it was more than a quiet prayer, it spilled over to her mouth because of her passion for what she was praying. Make your prayers and hopes and thoughts for your children passionate ones. Let your faith for the things that you ask of God, for your children, spill out to more than a quiet prayer in your heart. Your children need you and your faith to be mighty and active on their behalf. The pace of life is ever quickening and the pressures on children today are far more than they were in the days of my youth—which was not all that long ago (I would like to think!). Your children need your prayers as well as your teaching and example.

Support other parents in their prayers (v17)

I don’t know why but for some reason prayer when joined to the faith of more than one person has a greater strength. Agree with others in the prayers for their children and share your prayers with other Christians you meet. And don’t forget to share the results and praise too.

 

 

Her circumstances have not changed but her meeting of those problems has.

Stop being downcast (v18)

Parenting is hard. Being a parent is the one thing we know so much about as we have had years to study at close hand the job done by two others (usually) to us. But it is very different when you are the parent. Suddenly all those failings in our own parents seem more easily forgivable even though, at the time, we may have thought they should have done better. The world seems to offer two solutions to the problems of parenting. One: pass the job over to other people for as much of the time as possible. Two: do the job yourself but hate it. I find these two sad. God’s way is to find peace and joy in all the things he has called us to.

In verse 18 Hannah has not received her son. She has prayed for him as she has done many times over many years before. She has shared her prayer with another (Eli) which surely she has done with her husband before. But she has reached a turning point of faith. She makes a decision to get up and stop being miserable about her lot. She eats (which she has not been doing) and cheers up. Her circumstances have not changed but her meeting of those problems has.

Stop being down cast about parenting. Trust in God and his call upon you to do a good job. Pray for answers, share those prayers and cheer up about it—pray and praise with thankfulness for our God is a good God.

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This article © Linda Faber 2006-2009.